Intended Parent Blog

Welcome to Egg Donor Solutions Intended Parent Blog. This is a place for you to gain knowledge about Egg Donation and also talk with other intended parents who can directly relate to your experiences. Feel free to ask any questions and post comments. We want this to be a positive resource for you. We also welcome your feedback and how we can tailor the blog to meet your needs.

Support during egg donation

When conception is a problem and your fertility specialist has exhausted all the options that might allow you to use your own eggs then you may need to think about using https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com. This is a major decision and should be approached without emotion and with all of the information that you need.

There are a lot of women that have gone through this process and talking with them can help to explain everything about the process and how they felt before during and after. The choice to proceed or not is always your own and it comes down to how you feel about the situation.

Groups exist, and this includes support groups that are involved with recipients and with donors. These groups try to be as supportive as possible and to give as much information as possible so that recipients and donors can make a fully informed decision. You might consider joining groups in your local community so that you can find out more information and talk to people that have been through the process face to face.

It can be intimidating, and some people are less comfortable about discussing these deeply personal issues and would prefer more anonymity. There are online communities that have chat groups and forums that are you can join.

One of the cornerstones of helping people that cannot conceive with their own eggs is the donors that allow their eggs to be donated so that others have the chance to have a baby. It can be informative to look at how they are chosen and what they need to do to become an egg donor, it requires time an effort but has great rewards.

Egg Donors

In talking with egg donors, each donor has different reasons for donating. Some are altruistic and want to help people. Maybe they have had a friend or family member struggle to build their family while others are more interested in being able to make some extra money. In most cases it is a bit of both. The best egg donors are exited to help a family and the financial compensation is a bonus.

Egg Recipients

The technology of in vitro fertilization (IVF) which is the base technology that implants a fertilized egg has only been around for thirty-five years and has become a safe and effective technique. You may not know that there are about six thousand children born every year in America with the help of donor eggs.

The chance of having multiple births is much higher when using http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2239749/Egg-Donation-Foreign-fertility-clinics-proving-big-business-British-women-trying-pregnant.html because most implantation sessions use multiple eggs to give the highest success rate but also 40% chance of more than one egg being successful. There are procedures that only implant a single egg and keep other eggs frozen for later implantation.

The decision can be very difficult when trying to balance a higher chance of multiples that also carries a higher success rate. Other factors particularly age can help you and your Doctor decide the best course of action and how many eggs to implant.      

An Agency

If you decide that either donating eggs or being a recipient is a good choice for you often it is confusing where to start.  One recommendation is to find an Egg Donation Agency that can help walk you through the process.  An agency will guide you through matching with a recipient or egg donor and will also ensure all steps are taken to preserve your autonomy if desired.

If you are ready to take the next step we encourage you to reach out to us https://www.eggdonorinformation.com and we can help you navigate through this journey. 

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Choosing Donor Conception

Like many people trying to have a baby in their early 40’s, our journey involved some unexpected twists and turns. We went through multiple IUI and IVF cycles and unsuccessful attempts with multiple egg donors. At our doctor’s recommendation, we ultimately decided to fertilize half of our donor eggs with our own sperm and half with donor sperm. After nearly 4 years of trying, we now have a beautiful 4-month-old baby girl conceived with both donor egg and donor sperm. Though our situation is unique, in many ways our experiences may be familiar to anyone experiencing infertility and exploring the option of using a donor.

Emily and Brad’s Daughter born via egg donation

Like many people who consider donor conception, we struggled with difficult questions along the way. How comfortable did we feel using donor eggs? When all other options were off the table, how did we feel about moving to a double-donor embryo, knowing that our child would not have a genetic connection to either one of us? Would we bond with a baby who is not genetically related to us? How would our future child feel about the decisions we’re making? How open should we be with others about how she was conceived? Should we limit the people who know or should we be more public in an attempt to normalize donor conception? How would those outside of our inner circle react when they learn she was conceived with the help of donors? How would we manage the financial burden? We wanted to carefully consider each question before taking the next step.

In the process of learning more and working through our thoughts and feelings, we talked a lot about what was important to us. We decided not to move forward until we both felt comfortable with our choices and until we believed that our future child would too. For example, when we moved to donor conception we knew we wanted to be 100% transparent, open and honest with our child from the beginning, so we wrote her a personalized children’s book that explains her unique story. We also chose an open donation, which we thought would be important for her identity development. We wanted our child to have some degree of contact with her donors if she chose to do so.

We also felt it was important to pick donors who share some of our core values. We looked for donors who were bright, heart-centered, and who had a zest for life. When we selected our egg donor, we wrote her a note through our agency introducing ourselves and asking if she would consider an open donation. Through back and forth communication, we landed on a plan we all felt great about. We later had a Skype conversation and eventually had the opportunity to meet both her and her husband when she came to our city for her egg retrieval. Our connection with her has been special and important to us.

The relationship between intended parents and an egg donor is an intimate one, and there is no ready-made societal template to follow that establishes what that relationship should look like. We were strangers, yet we were in the process of sharing an incredible gift that would change all of our lives. Our conversation with our egg donor and her husband was surprisingly easy, earnest, caring, and incredibly meaningful. We each talked about our lives and our hopes for the future and left feeling even more confident in our choices. Later, the fact that we’d felt so great about our egg donor made our decision to implant one of the double-donor embryos much easier.

We are now four months into our new life as a family of three, and this has been the best time of our lives. As we get to know our sparkly and happy little girl, our hearts are overflowing with love for our family and gratitude for the village it took to bring her into our lives.

— Emily and Brad

Want to learn more about building your family via egg donation? Visit www.EggDonorSolutions.com

Questions Children Ask….

The messages that bring me the greatest satisfaction contains shared photographs of the families that I’ve had a small part in building. I look at those pictures and feel better about the future. I’m frequently asked how to respond to children’s questions.
Some of life’s more challenging questions originate with our children. The process of third-party assisted reproduction and the resulting families that are formed can be a source of questions for young children.

Wondering

 

Discovered secrets plant seeds of distrust. Secrets imply that the circumstance of your child’s beginning is something to be hidden and ashamed of. Mysteries also provoke curiosity and a need for discovery that might not otherwise be there. In answering those questions truth is always best but your answers must be properly framed for the child’s age and circumstance.

As parents we hear our children’s questions from a perspective that is quite different from theirs. We already understand the possible complexities of their questions. We’ve experienced and come to terms with the various social and cultural connotations implicit in the subject matter. However, a child’s question comes from a different place; a simple and innocent world. The accumulation of our own experiences can color and fill in the spaces between their words. Consequently, the question you think you hear may not be the question they have actually asked.

It’s important to shape your response in a thoughtful and age appropriate way. In time, the same question may require a different, more detailed answer. However, the central theme and tone of the message will always be the same; this family will always be a loving safe harbor. When you hear their questions ask yourself “what do they really want to know and what information do they need to process that answer”.

Your children are bright and curious. They are eager to understand the universe they find themselves in. When they are young their family is their world and you are the axis around which it turns. They want to know where and how they fit into that world. They want to feel safe, secure and loved. One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is to nourish their own relationship. That implicitly adds to your child’s sense of security and stability.
We are evolutionarily programmed to spot trouble and social anomalies. It is a mechanism of self preservation. If children notice something that might be interpreted as “different”, they want to know that “difference” does not represent a challenge or threat to their social acceptance, security and the happiness of their family.

Our intuitive proclivity to identify differences is also a mechanism that defines affinity groups – this is another way humans preserve a community of interest and mutual survival.
Any answer needs to be framed in this context. At the same time we also need to be cautious not to unintentionally or prematurely inoculate them with issues they will be better able to wrap their arms around at a later stage of maturity.

Children are very perceptive; there cannot be a hint of defense or apology. They need to know that you are forthcoming, confident and comfortable about their beginnings and the structure of your family. Your answers must be positive and affirming.
At some point your child may feel that their family was formed in a “different” way. Even timing can be an issue; parenthood at an older age or in a subsequent marriage. These feelings of difference can be further compounded if yours is a one parent family or a family where both partners are of the same gender.

They need to be told that, “just like there are many different types of people, there are many types of families. It is OK to be different – EVERYONE is different is some way. We are all unique. Some children are born in hospitals, others are born at home. Building some families requires the help of others. In some cases no help is needed. Some parents are older – some are younger. There are families with one mom, families with one dad, families with one mom and one dad, families with two moms or two dads. There are families with one boy, two boys, one girl, two girls or a boy and a girl. There are many differences but there is one thing that is always the same; good families always love and take care of each other – just like we do. We have a good family”.

Here is list of additional resources you may wish to consult:

Grimes, Janice, (2004) Before You Were Born: Our Wish for a Baby. X, Y, and Me. LLC: Webster, IA, ISBN: 0-9755028-0-8 (This book addresses disclosing to children how they were conceived through ART techniques. This author has created a series of books to assist parents in this task and each one offers a different beginning depending on the method and circumstance (IVF, donor, single parent, surrogate, female or male partners, etc.)) Available through www.xyandme.com

Bourne, Kate, (2002) Sometimes it Takes Three to Make a Baby. Melbourne IVF, Victoria Australia. (Written for 3-9 year olds in 3 sections. The first is a story about donor conception to be read to the child. The second is “My Very Own Book About Me” – a record of the child’s personal conception story. The third section offers reassurance for children about their own story and answers to their questions) Available through www.mivf.com.au or wrayjone@watrose.com

Gordon, Elaine, (1992) Mommy, Did I Grow in Your Tummy? Where Some Babies Come From. EM Greenburg Press. (Written for ages 4-12 to help children understand about their unique origins) Available through www.amazon.com or www.elainegordon.com

Ehrensaft, Diane, (2005) Mommies, Daddies, Donors Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families. Guilford Press. (Comprehensive book about the kinds of issues faced by families formed through third party reproductive technology. Excellent sections on how, when and what to tell your children). Available through www.amazon.com

Considine, Kaitlyn (2005) Emma and Meesha My Boy: A Two Mom Story. (Lessons for children in a same sex family – The publisher’s website is a resource center for LGBT families and their children). Available through www.twomombooks.com and www.twolives.com .

No job is more challenging, more important or more rewarding than parenthood. I wish you well.

Sylvia Marnella, Ph.D.

drmarnella@thechirp.org

www.TheChirp.org