To say I feel fortunate that my husband and I chose our donor would be an understatement. Because we opted for a known donor agreement, I’ve had the opportunity to get to know her, particularly over the past couple of years, and she is a lovely person. When we went through the egg donation process in 2014, choosing to meet our donor and having an open arrangement was not common. Still, I felt it was the right choice for our family.
There are several reasons why choosing a known donor was important to us. First and foremost, we wanted to be able to obtain updated medical information so that our daughter would have an accurate family health history. I’ve reached out to our donor for this purpose a few times over the years. Most recently, I texted her as I was filling out the medical forms for my daughter’s upcoming eight-year-old checkup, and she had some new information to share about the paternal side of her family. Knowing that I can reach out to her at any time with questions gives me peace of mind as a parent.
On a personal level, I wanted to meet the woman who was helping us create our family – the person with whom my child would share half of her DNA. It seemed strange that I wouldn’t at least meet our donor and have a conversation. What I didn’t anticipate is how my desire to know her more would grow over the years as I watched my child become her own person with specific aptitudes, interests, and personality traits. It has been a blessing to know where she gets some of those things and to make the connection for her by sharing information about the donor. We have always been open with our daughter about her unique conception story. As the conversation has evolved over time, we have been able to answer our daughter’s questions about the donor because we have ongoing contact with her.
Finally, I wanted to ensure that my child would have access to our donor in the future, including the option of meeting her. I firmly believe that donor-conceived people have a right to know where they come from, and I didn’t want to do anything that would cut off an opportunity for my daughter to connect with her genetic relatives in the future.
My advice for intended parents who are planning to build their family through egg donation is to think about what is in the best interest of your future child(ren) and choose a known donor. Admittedly, it took a lot of emotional work to overcome my own insecurities about being the non-genetic parent and get to a place where thinking about my child having a relationship with our donor one day didn’t feel like a threat to my role as the mom. Now, here we are nearly a decade later, and I can say with 100% certainty that choosing a known donor is the best decision I could have made for my daughter.
About Egg Donor Solutions’ Known Donor Program
There has been a growing trend among intended parents and egg donors who express a desire to connect early in the process. EDS recently launched a Known/Identified Donor Program to help facilitate these connections in a healthy way. The program includes a joint session with a mental health professional so that intended parents and donors can discuss their expectations and desires for a relationship both now and in the future. Click here to learn more about the Known Donor Program or reach out to the EDS Match Team at Match@CreateAHappyFamily.com.
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