Did you know you have the option to meet your egg donor? This is one of the many things that sets Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions apart from other agencies when it comes to how we facilitate matches between intended parents (IPs) and donors. While certainly not a requirement, once IPs have selected a donor, they can choose to participate in a virtual or in-person meeting with her, facilitated by a member of our team or a licensed counselor (if the meeting is in-person).
“We know that IPs have different needs and desires, and a face-to-face meeting, whether virtual or in-person, is a great option for IPs who want a more personal connection with their donor,” said Katy Encalade, owner and executive director of Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions. “In recent years, we’ve seen an increase in the number of IPs who are interested in meeting their donor. Now, it’s standard practice for our team to let IPs know up front they have that option. The meetings typically last about 30 minutes, and usually only first names are exchanged.”
What to expect when meeting your donor
Our goal is to help facilitate a successful meeting where both the IPs and the donor leave feeling like they got to know each other a little better and are excited to move forward with the process. Below are some tips to help manage expectations and ensure a positive outcome.
- Don’t wait to request a meeting with your donor.
If you are interested in meeting your donor, we kindly ask that you let us know as soon as possible to allow ample time for planning. Meetings take time to arrange, particularly if it’s an in-person meeting and your donor is not located in the same city. We know you are likely anxious to get started and don’t want to delay the process.
- Remember that it’s a ‘get to know you’ meeting, not an interview.
Please understand that the meeting is not an interview process where you narrow down your list of top candidates. The meeting will only take place once you have chosen your donor, and it’s important for both parties to feel comfortable. While questions are expected and encouraged, we don’t want to create a situation where a donor feels put on the spot.
Our donor profiles are very detailed and include information about the donor’s physical characteristics, personal and family health history, education, aptitudes, likes and dislikes, and personal interests. Many of our donors also have videos included in their profiles. If you would like more information about a specific donor, please reach out to our match team at Match@CreateAHappyFamily.com. We are happy to request additional information from a donor at any time on your behalf.
- It’s normal to be nervous.
Most IPs and donors are nervous going into the meeting. Questions such as – “Will we like her? Will she like us? What if we can’t find anything to talk about?” – are common. The good news is that these concerns are almost always unfounded, and oftentimes IPs and donors will tell us after the meeting that they could have talked for hours! So, take deep breath, relax and lean on the facilitator to make the introductions and help guide the conversation. Our team members and the counselors who facilitate these meetings understand the unique dynamics of the situation and work to help everyone feel comfortable and at ease.
- Have a few questions prepared.
Thinking about and planning what questions you want to ask your donor before the meeting can help you feel prepared and take some of the pressure off. Open-ended questions that require some thought and lead to further discussion are preferable to questions with just yes-or-no answers.
Some questions/topics to consider include:
- Is there something the donor mentioned in her profile that you’re curious to know more about? It could be her family, her education or career goals, her hobbies, etc.
- Are there any similarities you share with the donor, such as common interests, abilities or education/career background? This is often a connection point for many IPs and donors.
- Ask about her family and friends. Who is she closest to, who does she enjoy spending time with, etc.?
- How does she spend her free time?
- Why did she choose to become an egg donor?
- Share information about yourself.
The meeting is an opportunity not only for you to get to know your donor but also for her to learn a little more about you. Sharing your personal story and your hopes and dreams for your future child helps personalize the egg donation experience and provides your donor with an inside look at the family she is helping to create.
It’s your decision
The decision to meet your donor is a very personal one. For some IPs, it’s an important step in the process, and they feel strongly about making that level of connection with their donor, while other IPs do not share that same desire. Ultimately, the choice is yours, and our goal is to guide and support you along your journey in whatever way is most meaningful for you.
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